So I convinced one of my best friends to join the livejournal community.
If any of you are looking for friends, then please feel free to add him. He's a nice guy & extremely intelligent. I enjoy all your comments & I enjoy reading your blogs, so I'm sure he would appreciate making new friends =)
When it comes to relationships. I'm beyond picky. I have very strict standards as to what I want in a guy and I think that sometimes it causes me to miss some amazing people. Do I deserve what I want? Or am I possibly aiming too high? I really don't know, I just hate seeing couples that appear unhappy but stay together anyways. Why do people settle? I want butterflies. I want excitement. I want blatant uplifting happiness. I would rather be alone, than forced to live an unhappy life with somebody else. I don't exactly enjoy being single, but I don't exactly despise it either. Right now I'm young, and in school and not exactly ready to settle down with anybody, so I guess I don't really find myself worrying. Sure, I have my moments where I'm like... oh god what if I get to be 40 and I'm still not with anybody. But if I'm not... I'd hafta just believe it's my own fault. I have a tendency to push away anything and anybody that gives me even the slightest glimpse of happiness. Sigh. I need to stop hunting for this imaginary guy and just start looking at what's around me. >_< Easier said than done. But just for some advice people, dont ever settle for anything less than butterflies. Because no matter how bad your life is, or how lonely you feel... you don't deserve anything less than the best. <3
I'm just currently blind.
I flirt... far too much. It's not like I do it with any ill intentions... it's just my nature? I'm an overly nice girl and it's just how I approach and talk to people. I do it with girls too sometimes, and I'm not at all interested in girls. I just tease alot. It's kind of frustrating to me as well as to others I'm sure. There's probably 100+ people that assume I like them in more than a simple friendship respect, when in reality I think I have an actual crush on 3 people. And even those are minor crushes, because they are with boys off the internet... oops... And I doubt they even know who they are. They probably just assume that they are among the rankings of millions and feel no sense of "being special" ... which is sad, because I want them to know what I think of them.. I mean I'm not a liar, I don't tell the other people I like them when I don't or something, I just joke around alot, and sometimes it involves sexual innuendos, which for some reason people seem to take as more than just a joke. My cracking jokes about sleeping with you, does not mean that I want to have a fulflling relationship with you >_< argh. I think that guys need to learn not to get super attached to me, because in reality, it's probably nothing more than a simple friendship in my mind. And even if I do like you as more than a friend, it'll most likely blow over in less than a month, because I have a tendency to become bored very quick. If I like a guy more than as a friend, or if I think it could ever be like that, generally I will say it straight up. I'm honest and pretty blunt when it comes to things. And generally I will bring it up randomly, it won't just be going along with the conversation. I've tried to change how I am, but it's impossible. I don't know how to delete my flirty nature from my typical friendly personality. I don't know what do you think? Is it a flaw? Am I in the wrong? Or are the other people involved just blowing things out of proportion. I'd like to think that flirting is harmless.
I think I get caught up with life sometimes too much... I mean... I should be grateful that I am working so much and hanging around with REAL LIFE people instead of letting my entire life be consumed by the e-world and the people within it. But, I don't know. I don't view it as a flaw really. I'm socializing... generally with people I can relate to more than people I would find out in the "real world" ... I get frustrated with my friends around here because they refuse to just understand that I'm nto like them. I've always felt out of place here. I'm not a redneck... I hate hunting, I hate small town communities, I hate going camping and I especially hate living close to home and being in an area where 98% of the people know everything about your business. I like to wear "different" clothing than most, and dye my hair really weird colors, and wear big sunglasses and wear a sundress on a random day just because. I crave the city life. I crave living where the people I know online live. Out in the world. I wish that I didn't feel the need to hide my internet life from everybody. I'm the same person on here as I am out there, but while I'm out there, I find myself pretending toothers that I'm not that dependent on the web. When I am. If the electricity went out, I honestly wouldn't know what to do with myself.... as "pathetic" as that may sound? My freetime revolves around the computer. Whether it be gaming... chatting... or just browsing websites. It's my favorite way to pass time. When is the world we live in, going to catch up to how I feel. I feel like I was born in the wrong generation. I should've been born 20 years after I was. So that being a computer nerd, wouldn't seem like such a "flaw."
^ Sadly, I actually talk like that when I'm out and about. I'm such a nerd.
I've been thinking alot about life and the future and it's stressing me out horribly. I have been planning on moving away next year... somewhere far away and attending graduate school.. but lately... financially I am lacking and just mentally/emotionally I am as well. I'm not sure I can stand to move somewhere super far away for 3 years, with no connections to anybody I once knew. I have pretty much decided that I want to take a year off after I get my second bachelors and just work and sort my head out, before applying to graduate schools and taking that next step in life... My problem is... I feel rushed... I'm 23 now, and I feel like time is short. I don't want to be 40 when I finally graduate from college. I want to be a young age that I can enjoy life. I realize that generally I have 60 more years to live and that's plenty of time to accomplish what I want to... BUT what if? What if my life is alot shorter than that. Somedays I feel like I waste my hours doing stuff that will never help me in the end. I should be out meeting new peope, and making a difference, and instead I sit at home and play video games or watch television. Lately I feel this rush to start my life. When in reality it should've never been put on pause. Wtf. Why does life have to be so damn stresssful? Or better yet, why do I make it that way? Why can't I just go with the flow and not look back or ahead, and just live in the present?
I've been working 12+ hour work days and I had to go home to visit my father for the weekend...
I will update you all on the past week very soon..
Life got hectic
So in case you weren't aware.... I like anime.... Not so much the animation of it all, or the shows. But the artwork behind it. I think that anime girls are VERY pretty. If I could be one, I really would be. So if anybody does anime art and gets bored, feel free to make me into an anime character :D What you might NOT know... is that I do my own artwork now and then (pen & pencil ONLY) but I rarely post anything. I've been currently trying to become good at doing art on the computer (I suck at the moment, but I'm getting better) This week I drew two anime type pictures... Figured I'd share. Let me know what you think, but be kind. D: ( because I am an amateur at this & I only us MSPaint )
( I named them because I'm weird like that )
Just to let you all know. I appreciate all your comments and replies greatly. It's nice to come back after a long day of work and read the comments and msgs that people have sent me. It lets me know that my thoughts aren't going unread. And also... I ALWAYS reply to comments within my blogs, at least once, sometimes more if a conversation seems to get started. ( I hope this doesn't annoy anybody, it's just how I am. ) I like my friends & readers to know that I am taking the time to read their comments and thoughts as much as they are taking the time to read my blogs.
So either way, thank you for your kind words and advice.
-- PS. I know this isn't necessary. I just wanted to tell you all this. <3
I don't really drink anymore.
I don't do drugs.
I don't go to parties.
I don't go out to the bar.
I don't have sex with random people.
Supposedly... I'm lame? And I'm not fun anymore?
I think I just grew up. I grew into a better person.
I just wish everybody else could see that
(( I was unaware that a person had to drink and party to be considered enjoyable ))
And in a year, I will graduate, and I shall take action.